Diving

If all goes well I really am doing it.  I am dying my hair purple.  At least purple streaks is the plan.  I love my morning talks with Jeremy.  Rather than give me a kiss upstairs I follow him downstairs as he sits on the couch before he goes.  I curl up with my blanket and we just talk.  Today, we talked about why I am dying my hair.  I had talked about not having a panic attack in two weeks. (Almost two weeks. I was a little off) He was really happy to hear that.  And that I have a calmness and peacefulness to me.  I spend a lot more time by myself.  I am perfectly okay with that.  It's important to be happy with your own company.  I think I needed the quiet anyways.  But I was telling him that I felt compelled to do this...as if to do some head first, screw it tour leading up to 40.  His take was that I seem to always stop myself with a reason.  I just said why not? And he liked that.  That I just went for it.  If I wasn't mistaken...I think there was a sense of pride in what I was doing.  I am nervous about this.  But in embracing this act and just letting the chips fall...I feel empowered? No...something..though.  I am decided on purple because it is the color of Epilepsy Awareness.  While it is isn't March 26th yet...it will make me happy I am representing Epilepsy Awareness in my own way.  My birthday is less than two weeks away.  I always want my birthday to be hooply, a big deal.  But this year...it's big...in a quiet way.  Jeremy is getting me a gift I have been wanting.  He listens.  And he remembered.  I am so touched.  And last night...he gave me a priceless gift.  In the middle of cooking, one of my favorite songs came out.  Just like Heaven started playing.  Out of nowhere...I ask for a strange request.  Right in the middle of the living room with me cooking...Jeremy and I danced to Just like Heaven.  I felt like time stood still.  I felt like strange movie montage.  I can't explain.  But he gave me a gift.  Sometimes you don't know the things you want...until you do.  And you have someone not only willing to oblige, but indulge you! Jeremy is one of a kind.  I am very lucky.  We are very lucky to have each other.  So let's see how this day goes.  I am off to a hot lunch date with Jeremy.  Another of my wants and needs.  I like having lunch with him.  And then we'll see from there.  Have a marvelous day.  Do something crazy...even if it's small.  And smile.  Smile because life is too short to not eat dessert first. I saw that on art board yesterday.  It is so true. lol Diving...That's what this feels like. Diving into life, I suppose.