Friday, January 15, 2016

Presently

We have to live today by what truth we can get today and be ready tomorrow to call it falsehood. ~William James

Interesting quote I found.  It does make you think about truths I have learned over the years and almost had to relearn my own truth.  Even my own truth could be a lie.  The difference is I believe in my truth to be my authentic part.  I am also willing to be open to other truths.  It isn't easy being this open minded.  I've worked years to learn different truths.  One of the best ways I have learned to be opened minded was removing certain emotions from the situation.  That helped clear my mind.  It also has helped to relieve stress.  Overthinking things leads to stress.  Stress leads to anxiety. Anxiety leads to unhappiness.  Unhappiness leads to the dark side.  Sorry...I had to put that in there.  It seemed I was having a Yoda moment.  At least for the truth I was around.  I have had three 5 major conflicts in the last 5 years.  Two of which I managed to reconnect and become some sort of friends.  Perhaps not where we were before but at least an attempt on each side.  The other three I was unable to allow them back in my life.  I hope that is a reflection that I can reconnect with people even after a fight.  The 3 on this list I don't see that with.  All of particular reasons that seem like a good truth.  I can't deal with anger issues anymore.  My body literally doesn't have the energy for it.  I learned that recently.  The second one I actually tried to have a friendship and there for a while I felt like we were doing well.  But in the end I felt taken advantage and in all honesty, I don't think she actually liked me.  If she did...she had a funny way of showing it.  I felt she was jealous.  And the most recent one.  Again, anger issues but so much more than that.  The wound is still too fresh that I don't know where that truth lies. And the reason I say that is because she thinks I am full of shit.  I don't believe her but sometimes my inner doubt gets the best of me and tries to figure if there is any truth to what someone is saying.   I imagine when this is more like years I will be able to see things more clearly.  Strangely, I do miss their friendships.  And then....I don't.  I don't like walking away from friends.  It takes a lot for me to do it.  But I know that if I do...there was a reason.  It's funny. I don't even know where to put the friendship I walked away, not out of anger but of necessity.  Guess they go on a shelf all by themselves because I wasn't angry.  I do feel betrayed by each one of them.  That maybe is the truth I found from it.  And maybe as they might look at it...they might think I am full of it.  Which is understandable.  We are looking at our own perceptions and truths.  I just feel mine is more...accurate.  Many times when I question my accuracy I ask Jeremy and that helps.  Believe me. Jeremy is not afraid to tell me if I'm wrong.  I don't always like it but I do need that.  In the long wrong run, I appreciate it.  And I even explain that he might even be wrong.  But usually I trust in his feedback.  So truth and perhaps tomorrow it is falsehood.  That is a big one.  Be open to truths not always being truths.  It's helped me navigate life.  Just a thought today.  Have a most excellent day!

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