From the start

I am an aunt!! I'm an only child, mind you. lol But certain people in your life become like family.  And last night, I got to the aunt thing, right from the start.  That is such a special role.  Being an aunt.  Greyson's Lullaby by Danny Wright is playing.  How fitting.  Here is an interesting thing.  I was texting another friend about said news.  It had already been posted up and since we were mutual friends I didn't feel like I was speaking out of turn about it.  And I explained that funny thing, I felt nothing but joy rather than envy.  Will I still have moments where I feel left out from such an extraordinary experience? Yes.  But I have to look at the entire picture.  My doctor told me I would only have a 30% of going full term.  I can't imagine the pain of a miscarriage.  And the added consideration of my Epilepsy is something else.  Jeremy and I had lunch yesterday and that's what I told him.  That sometimes the Universe knows more about a situation.  We want something but things work out a certain way because it's better that way.  Least, that's my take on it.  Our trials and tribulations, too.  I never like pain.  I mean, Who does?!! But it's what makes us who we are as people.  I was also telling Jeremy about certain dreams and what ifs that people make in their lifetime.  And I had told him that long ago, I had much such a wish or what if about May 31.  And there I was, in reality.  Something happened to me that day.  Something good.  It wasn't anyone's voice that was helping me along.  It wasn't anyone's beautiful and encouraging words helping me along.  It was me.  ME helping me.  What a feeling.  What empowerment.  What a badass!!! Except for some shaking and needing some air at one point because I felt almost claustrophobic, I managed rather well.  My body waited until after to react.  I lost my car keys along the way.  But even then, I am cutting myself some slack.  It was a big day.  And the only one giving me sh*t is myself.  Jeremy completely understands what happened.  And was rather supportive about the whole car losing thing.  That man was my rock.  Coming home from such an even and him being home...it was pure...I don't even know.  I just rested and was near him.  It was such a great feeling.  I didn't need encouraging words anymore.  I just needed the one person who can make me feel ...I don't even know.  Do you have that one person that does that for you? I even appreciate the struggles we had.  It made us stronger.  Maybe, I really had no reason to worry about us.  Maybe he wasn't going anywhere in his head.  Sure felt like it.  And there are other ways to leave.  Like checking out.  But whatever *THAT* was, we got through it.  And we came out stronger.  And we love each other even more.  He's literally trying to tell me the beautiful words.  Not me even saying and he confirms.  Why?Because I am worth it.  I AM WORTH IT. I am a warm and beautiful person.  I am thoughtful.  I am loving.  I am stunning.  I am alluring.  I am playful.  I am a great friend.  I make you feel good about yourself.  I am sincere.  I am me.  Take that, you ugly self doubt.  Take that!