Like a movie

Yesterday provided a very special blog entry because it was celebrating 10 years.  Honestly, when it comes it Anniversaries in general I like them quiet.  I don't want restaurant dining.  I just want Jeremy.  And it was beautiful to have the kids with us.  It felt like old times when they lived with us.  There's a beautiful weave that the 4 of us have.  In the past, with Ashley and I struggling in our relationship I don't know that it always had the seamless feeling.  But now....now it's a nice hot cup of tea on a cold day.  It's a tender warmth that blankets me in such a happy way.  I speak of the happiness glitterbag.  It's the different experiences and memories I have built that happiness from many years of innter turmoil.  Now that I have shattered much of that turmoil...I can truly appreciate my memories.  And what wonderful memories they are.  From those quiet moments with Jeremy to simple things I do with people I love.  Those memories are what are filling up in my bank. Along with my heart.  My heart is filled with happiness.  I am happy with my life.  It's had a few speed bumps along the way.  But overall, right now....I am happy.  I'm just....happy.  The energy around me is love.  That's a little new.  Somewhere, somehow there would be a crack or something that wouldn't make this protection of love quite right.  Even with the small wrinkle right now of one part of my life, even that has a protection of love around it.  I wonder what struggles you, as readers have on your mind today.  I don't have the answers, really.  I think of things wandering through my mind...and I write them down.  Often times, it's a running line of thought.  I got a beautiful compliment on my writing.  Where that compliment came from was important too.  I respect that person's opinion immensely.  But sometimes I wonder exactly it is that people come to read.  My thoughts? My insight? My insanity? Because sometimes it feels like that.  It's like a movie I am watching...only it's my story line.  And I haven't quite gotten the finishing touches from the director.  And it seems I'm winging it as I go.  If you know me well enough, I don't like winging things.  If I wing anything with anyone it's because I trust them, pretty much with everything...including my life.  I do wing with Jeremy.  But he has come to the dark side and planned too.  It's quite amusing.  We really have rubbed off on each other.  So...this movie is still going.  What story is to be played? Selena Gomez or Sandra Bullock would play me. Jeremy would love if Scarlett Johansson played me.  I wouldn't complain.  Jeremy would be played by...hmmm that's a good one.  I have no clue.  My want wants to say Ryan Reynolds but for cinematic purposes I would want a stronger character.  As it is, he is a pretty boy. And while Jeremy is quite the handsome man, pretty he is not.  There is a strong presence that Jeremy brings that brings me awe.  The novelty has not worn out that I am with this man.  He is my dream guy.  I've had almosts.  Those ones where they seem to fit some of the puzzle but not all.  But Jeremy...I don't know how the man does it.  Even with the one part he was struggling with, he got inspired in a most unlikely place and found a way to harness his Jeremy "flair" and make it his own.  All for me.  I am the prize.  I am the Queen that he loves...every day. It's a quiet choice.  But there it is.  Every time I feel like doubt...all I need to do is look at my left side of my hand....He married me.  He chose me.  He wanted me.  I am more than enough.  And you know what? So is he.  Feels or no feels.  He's working hard to find his own way to satisfy that.  And I am working hard to communicate my needs, in a more logical sense.  Even the feels lol
Something Jeremy told me as we were driving back from Austin and just dropped off the kids.  I know who you are. I love you for it.  The good, the bad, and the wild insane what the...All of the elements.  You needed a journey.  You needed to find your way back to me.  And you did, in a most splendid of ways.  I am thankful for your journey. Because you got to see me.  I didn't really leave, per say.  But I think the emotional detach or that part of my our relationship was creating frustration.  The journey helped me to see my discredit wouldn't allow me to see he was being emotionally available.  It was just in a different language.  And the journey helped him see that he is lucky to have me.  Not just words.  He really is lucky to have a wife like me.  Am exquisite.  I am playful.  I am loving.  I am submissive.  Not because I have to be.  But because I want.  I don't need anyone to understand that.  I am a strong personality. Trust me.  Some of my best friends will tell you I am a giant! But for Jeremy, I felt he needed that.  And he has mentioned that my doing that has had a positive impact on his well being and self esteem.  That makes me the happiest wife in the world.