Quiet protection

That is what Jeremy provides to me.  It's not outward sometimes.  And while at moments I think I want that, It's not what I need.  I also am grateful for him being my brakes.  I may not always like that he stops the brakes.  It's the human condition of me being bratty.  But in the long run, Jeremy knows the balance of when to spoil me and when to not.  And I give him that power to speak.  We have a saying in our marriage.  What baby wants, baby gets.  But he has veto power.  And for what it's worth I don't ask for extravagant things.  I'm not materialistic.  I don't need things.  Experiences.  That's what I ask for.  And since I don't ask that often, when I do ask for something....chances are it's a yes because I am even mindful of what I am asking.  And he appreciates that of me.  Over the past few months, Jeremy and I have really understood each other in a different way.  It was a struggle at first because we opened up what we were struggling about.  My wants and needs.  That's what it comes down to.  I haven't seen myself worth the trouble for something.  Silly Silly me.  As each day passes, Jeremy and I have this beautiful and quiet protection about each other.  We have this amazing friendship that while we were in our 20s I saw how great we got alone as friends, but as best friends...we let go.  I don't think anyone has quite seen me like Jeremy has.  And still loves me after what he's seen....and likewise.  I love that part.  For better or worse.  I know it's easy enough and the option of divorce is more accessible...but honestly, even if Jeremy and I were doing bad bad...I made a commitment. We made a commitment.  He made a commitment.  That while the great times are wonderful to be around for...it's the hard times that we want to be around for.  I sometimes liken Jeremy and I to some old soul couple.  That we are older inside.  That we have been doing this longer for 4 years.  Or been together for 10.  Or known each other for 20.  I feel like I have known him all my life.  Quiet protection.  It's those quiet moments together that he shows me how truly rare we are.  I have so many thoughts that run in my head.  I am battling things inside.  My own inner demons.  Other people and their inner demons.   But one would never see that battle. It's not my style to show it.  I keep it all inside. I probably always will.  Is it right? No.  Am I hurting myself inside? In some ways, yes.  But it's what I can survive on.  Because too much intensity can be too much.  And I found out....I'm not built for that anymore.  I don't have the energy for shit like that anymore.  I thank God/Universe for Jeremy being in my life.  I do have gifts of friends in my life.  But none more so a gift than my husband.  He is my quiet protection.  He is my soul's twin.  I have never felt more alive than when I am with him.