Processing pain

It's what I am doing.  With today being a year that Brody, my cat passing.  He wasn't just a pet.  He was family.  He was with me 13 years.  But besides that, there is the process of loss.  At this point, after a beautiful conversation with JB I think I felt better about the loss of a friend.  Thank you, btw.  Your an awesome best friend.  But still processing it all.  I feel like I just wasted 6 or 7 years.  It is what it is.  I feel more comfortable these days processing my feelings.  I respect people's spaces so I still want to make sure on their comfort zones.  But then, don't be around me when I am processing feelings.  Because I am going to process happy. Sad. Mad.  I'm too old for this shit, really.  I've spent the greater half of my life accommodating to people.  I need to be a little selfish every once in a while.  And I get to be selfish sometimes with my tribe.  It's such a great feeling to be loved and accepted by these people.  Unconditionally, they love me.  On good days and bad.  In fact, when I have my bad days they lift my spirits up, simply because they love me, no matter what.  They're my family.  I love these people.  And they love me.  I'm not perfect.  I have plenty of flaws.  But I don't see my flaws nearly as amplified with this group.  I feel confident.  I feel amazing.  I feel loved and accepted.  I see the amazing person I am inside.  I see the warm and kind person.  I'm approachable.  Anyways, today is processing pain day.  And that's okay.   I don't always have to smile if I don't feel it.  That's the day a friend or two smile for me.