Anxiety

It will be interesting to update you and let you know I haven't had an anxiety attack for a month now.  That's  a substantial amount of time.  Funny, how even a month can change someone's way of thinking.  Within the last 6 months I have been on a healing journey.  It was interrupted momentarily from some drama.  But I was able to get back on track on my healing journey.  And even that drama became part of the healing journey.  Today, I spent time with a friend who just needed the magic of having Jess around.  That made me smile.  Because I know what I bring.  And they were grateful for that.  I also looked into volunteering again.  I thought about trying for a job.  And I still apply to jobs.  But I don't actively search like I used to.  Thankfully, Jeremy is getting to a point in life professionally that will not be an issue enough.  I am lucky my husband wants to spoil me.  I don't want things.  I've never been one for material things.  And when I have had them, I get them at bargain prices.  I want to travel with him.  I want to invest in charity work with it.  I want to make a difference.  My condition does slow me down at times.  It's controlled right now.  But I do have to keep a balance on it.  And it's not just Epilepsy to deal with.  It's also PCOS.  And the migraine disorder.  Keeping those all balanced out is tricky.  Stress levels and diet are two factors I am mindful to keep things balanced.  Jeremy helps me to balance.  So do my other friends.  My health is important to them.  And that makes my heart melt.  It shouldn't.  It should be something natural with friends.  But as I haven't made the best choices in significant others, I haven't made the best choices in friends either.  I am now.  I have people I seek out that help to open my perspective and mind.  I have people that I connect well with.  I have people that I have history with.  I have people that love me.  My confidence is different.  I trust my thoughts more these days.  I respect my own opinion now.  It sounds crazy to write that but it's true.  And I think the anxiety came from hiding so much inside.  Like a façade I was putting on.  I am as authentic as I can be as much as I can be.  And that feels really good.  I am sure I will still face anxiety.  But I feel like have better arsenal.