A journey to take

This journey I am on.  This is a journey to take.  Each day, I take in my experiences.  I process.  I reflect.  It's the first time that if I'm being honest with myself, I don't really know what my future looks like.  I know what I want it to look like.  But I can't just switch on and off.  I forgive easily.  And right now I almost feel at conflict with my own personality.  Oh, how I want to be that bubbly happy go lucky woman again.  But I'm not.  And I'm not going to fake my way through life, simply because I might make a person or persons uncomfortable.  I wish I wasn't like this.  But sometimes we become the people we are and manifest like this because of how we were treated.  It isn't an excuse.  And I am still mindful of how I treat people.  I just choose to be selfish more right now.  And really...is it being selfish if I'm trying to take care of myself? Because sometimes it does have to take me to think of me.  I appreciate those who already do it on their own.  They are truly loved by me.  I thought I knew truths of life.  But right now, I question things.  And maybe that's not such a bad thing.  My opinion means the most it has ever been to me.  I am learning I don't need to validate my worth by what others say.  In the end, it's what I think of myself.  And as I close my eyes, I feel the essence of my bad assery.  Laugh if you must.  It's me gaining my strength back.  It's me learning to live my confidence.  You don't see it.  Well,. Boo on you.  You're not as smart as I thought if you can't see the beautiful power and beauty that this creature is.  I don't know what every day will bring.  I don't know how I will react to things now.  I feel like I am in a whole new ball game.  But here I am...this is a journey to take.