Heart to Heart

I hate the word honest.  But let's be honest.  Heart to hearts are important to have if you are going to get to truths.  It's not just about what people say.  It's how they say it.  And if in front of you, any body language you can detect.  That's important.  And I accept that I was not was forthcoming on where I was regarding emotions and other things.  I'm too busy sometimes looking out for other people, I forgot about my own feelings.  I forget about my own wants and needs.  It's a big problem.  And I'm working to address it.  I do feel bolder.  I myself feel slightly bitchy, in general but it was a ecard that I got yesterday that made me laugh.  It said yes. I know I know. I stood up for myself. I'm such a bitch.  And it was so right on the money.  What I might consider being selfish is nothing but me standing up for myself.  But I accommodate so much, I lose sight of my wants and needs.  And that sparkling glitter happiness bag gets thinned out.  And then, I resent.  I am sad that it does take me to have to point out to certain people that too much is too much.  I would think common sense might help that along.  However, I am learning that I can't assume people are as mindful as I am.  I am mindful of grooves.  I am mindful of space.  I am mindful of treasures.  And when I screw up.  I am mindful of accountability.  I am no angel, by any stretch.  And I gotta stop being some type of martyr too.  Mousy me is not good.  I don't like how I react when I am in her form.  But today is a day of growth.  And forgiveness too.  Do I fear that people will still hurt me.  Yes.  But I remember a list once that stated how I forgive.  I'd like to think I am still that person.  Not because I want to be whatever that person listed.  But because they thought my forgiveness was a good aspect of me to like.  And it was important enough they listed it.  So, forgive I will.  And start again.  I have learned that some in my life are beyond that type of dialogue.  It is sad.  But it also helps me to accept that.  Some things aren't meant to return to same.  Some things are simply lessons to learn.  That was a lesson.  And in some ways, I hope I was a lesson.  I strive to be a positive impact on people's lives.  And that is still sometimes I strive for.  Heart to hearts help you learn the more deeper aspects of a friendship, relationship, or family relation.