Amazing what you can do

It's amazing what you can do and how you can feel with the right kind of support system.  I call it first world problems when there is a friend or two that I don't have as natural flow of a friendship.  But the good part of about that is the amount of energy I put into those friendships.  Is there a tally with me? Maybe? I have to see the benefits that both of us get from our friendship.  And If I don't I put distance between us.  You may not even notice.  But I do.  Because I have learned what kind of friendship I want.  I can't force a bond if one has to be worked on so much.  Granted, a friendship and relationship requires work.  But within our dynamic, I can't force things.  So if you enter my realm here and there, it does mean I care.  But if does mean I see you as more of drain or stress for me.  How do I know this now? Because of three beautiful women.  Dear One, SADF, and Loveliness all show me the ease of our friendship.  We have serious moments.  We have silly moments.  Now, in that support system, I do have a group of women that while not best friends, have been there for me as well.  Red, Pixie, and CC.  and MC, whom has adopted me, which I happily accept as being her "kiddo".  I have grown and healed because of these women.  I have had other friendships but they weren't strong enough to survive.  And that's okay.  And then there are my support system of guy friends.  Enough to be close to not enough to ever hit that best friend status.  Probably because a couple of them already have in the past lol.  JMB, JS, AP are so helpful to keep me on track of healing as well.  And then, him.  My crazy love.  Jeremy is my partner in crime.  I appreciate our love more and more.  The bad parts and the good parts.  It's amazing what you can do with the right kind of love too.  Our relationship has struggles.  But we have evolved as a couple.  And I see that.  He wasn't as expressive a few years ago.  I was more insecure and wouldn't speak up.  Now, I'd rather just put it out there, good or bad, rather than it stay inside me.  I have evolved as a person because of these people.  I grew with those who left but I never was able to evolve because they no longer were there, if that makes sense.  But these people stuck around. The Descent by Michele McLaughlin is on.  One friendship is almost 25 years old.  Jeremy's and my friendship is 21.  But some have only been 3 years old.  And that's okay too.  More time, more friendship growing.  I hope you have people that you can count on.  It's a beautiful protective blanket.  It makes me feel stronger.