First day of the rest of your life

Yesterday had some stressful moments with a loved one.  I got through them, thankfully.  It's the after that made me think the First day of the rest of your life moment.  I was lying on the couch talking with Jeremy, having whiskey with him.  We were talking about things.  Good things. Our marriage.  Our understanding of things.  Good influences that have improved how we communicate with each other.  Is there a sense of death that I felt October 1st? The day that I remember everything? Yes. I think so.  By remembering the rape it forced me to face the truth of my life. The Good, The Bad, and the truth.  JB has a funny way of making me look in the mirror and face things that maybe I don't allow myself to.  But I trust JB with my life.  And by that help Jeremy and I have soared to new levels in our marriage and friendship.  Jeremy is opening up.  Jeremy is sharing.  Jeremy is voicing his wants and needs too.  It's a new frontier! My new normal is beautiful.  I wake up every morning feeling blessed beyond belief with the amount of support and love I have.  At first, it felt unsettling and overwhelming because I didn't feel worthy of it.  Now, as the badass Sparklepuss that I am...Fuck yeah!!! I do have a proper side to me that I like having.  Where there is takeback to the days where we dressed up nicer, spoke more elegantly, and had a better sense of integrity.  And maybe it never really was there back then.  Maybe that nostalgia is my mind playing tricks on me that all that was pretentious bourgeoisie.  Either way, it's a part of me.  So is the hardcore badass that is too old to give a flying f*ck what you think of her.  Take her or leave her.  And if you do...it's your loss.  There is always a part of me, the not so sure part of me that looks at this new perspective of myself who is more confident and feel a little overwhelmed by this aspect of me.  But like the voice that my family and Javier used to seep into my psyche and give me negative reinforcement.  I had my husband and JB seeping positive reinforcement into my psyche now.  They are my affirmations to myself.  And my tribe.  It's a beautiful feeling every morning to text my tribe (most of them anyways, some are not affirmation texts people, some get it in person (Jeremy), and some are on a boat (Little One). It melts my heart that I bring joy to these people just as much as they bring joy to me.  Different personalities with different contributions to my evolution.  The most unexpected one has been Cecelia, Javier's ex wife.  There is this strange connection. Yes. The survivor side of us understands what we share.  But it's the beautiful side to us before we had the monster of a man steal our sparkle that we are getting back.  We have a life.  We have love.  We have sparkle back.  So First day of the rest of your life...could be...could be....