Some of the most beautiful things are not things you see but feel

My nature walks are one of my favorite things now.  How did that happen? I'm discovering this woman inside I had no idea was there.  Sometimes discovering facets of myself is overwhelming.  Part of me wants to be angry at myself...or Javier that I waited this long to find her.  But then I smile.  I smile at quiet spaces.  I smile because the timing was now.  The timing was right for me to become this person.  And I smile more.  Some of the most beautiful things are not things you see but feel.  I feel this weight lifted off me.  I feel empowered.  I feel special.  I feel a lot of things.  I feel alive.  I feel meaning....This week has been extraordinary but also exhausting.  Emotionally draining.  I love going to work.  I am passionate about what I am doing.  I am making a difference.  And I know it.  I am starting to see what my worth really is...and quite frankly, I didn't realize what a badass I could really be! It's the downside to being a "victim", really.  I honestly couldn't see how extraordinary I was because I'd been told I wasn't for years. And here I thought he had done something with his life.  The man can't even hold down a job.  I have held down 3 part times before that made 40 hours. At 19 I was holding down a supervisor position at Sears.  It was unofficial and sometimes I wondered if Steve, my boss gave me that role because he liked me.  But people listened... Or doing 65-75 hours working as a legal assistant and QVC.  I did that for two years.  I had a clothes budget and a restaurant budget because I could afford it.  I was an independent woman.  This was before Jeremy and I together.  I DID ALL THAT.  But you can't keep a job.  For all you hollering about doing things...and I gave that power.  That's the part that makes me sad.  But then makes me happy.  I get to show the spectacular Sparklepuss that I really am now.  I get to inspire you if I do so.  Yesterday...while I was relaxing...I was lying there...and just still.  I think it was one of the happiest moments of my life.  Just being still....and thinking.. If there ever was a moment of whole.  I think it was for one brief moment...in that moment.  I felt...a beautiful feeling I can't describe.  I think that's what made me think....some of the most beautiful things are not things you see...but feel.