The Dance

This new perspective I have of life has really affected my marriage.  Fear not.  It's in a good way.  A perfect example is this morning.  I had things on my mind that were troubling me.  Without skipping a beat I confided in him like a best friend.  No matter the subject, Jeremy continually amazes me on his insight, his strength, and his love for me.  Perhaps because I didn't credit myself enough, I also didn't credit certain things in my marriage with Jeremy.  However, with new eyes I am seeing this side to my husband that makes me fall in love with him over and over.  I am falling in love.  With myself. With my husband, With my new life.  The Dance that Jeremy and I weave is such an integral part of our expression of love for each other.  He hugged me and just held me there because I told him I wanted to just have him hold me.  He wrapped his arms around me and held me there for a good many seconds.  I sighed and took in the hug.  I can't even tell you the amount of strength and support I am receiving from him to just be myself.  Whatever that means, whatever road I take.  He supports me like a best friend.  I used to think we didn't have feels.  I hadn't realized my feels translates to intellectualism.  I discovered that as I was explaining things to a friend this morning about my life in general.  It was an epiphany.  Jeremy and I have the feels through the intellectual talks we have.  He argued with me that I have been voicing myself for years.  The difference, now is that I see that voice.  But he also recognized that maybe because of the association with Javier it might have been difficult for me to see that.  That was another epiphany we both had.  He knew Javier.  He got to know Javier.  Once upon a time he called Javier a friend.  My rapist introduced me to my  husband.  That is screaming to be some kind of book or movie! I was a bridesmaid in my husband's wedding.  I expressed to a friend that I was fascinated by their life.  What I failed to recognize is that I have had quite the interesting one myself!!! I am catching myself afterwards with my discredit. It is still a process to shift the mindset.  This reprogram of my brain is not coming overnight.  Luckily, I have support.  A beautiful conversation with my mom confirmed that when she said..."You've created such a beautiful family for yourself".  That woman amazes me.  Granted, we drive each other crazy at times because we can think so differently.  However, in some ways we are alike.  I admire her so much.  She is also the first person to show me the way unconditional love works.  I've struggled with my Dad for many years.  We are doing better.  I can tell we are both trying to meet in the middle.  That's new for us.  And my kids are amazing. I nurtured this two amazing individuals.  You see my influence. You see me in them.  And then my friends whom are my family.  I love them with every fiber of my being.  I am protective of their well being.  Anyways, Squirrel!
I do love my tangents, don't I? The Dance that I have with Jeremy is a love story for the ages.  I see why people tell us constantly the love they see between us.  This is a love story 20 years in the making.  It's a love story with twists and turns. One very big plot twist.  But the story continues.  Our love story continues. I love that our love story is different.  I love that I am that love story for him.  Mr Intellectual is in love with his wife.  That for all the huff and puff of not having the feels that he loves spoiling his wife.  He loves pampering her.  He loves watching her be happy in all ways that she finds life extraordinary.  He loves that he is the end all be all of her world.  That he is her KING.  I guess sometimes all it takes is showing the princess what the King saw all along.  Be he just didn't know how to express how in love he is with his Queen.  Ah...happy tears.  I told you I cry a lot.  Pandora is playing too so that puts me in the right mode. Keys to the Heart by Danny Wright.