Experiences to remember

 Oh, Dear God....The food.

That's how I'll start.  What an experience Jeremy and I had, yesterday.  We were getting treated to Kirbys, a steakhouse.  In this family, birthdays are celebrated like holidays! is not exactly a quote, but the idea was there.  Funny, how you grow up a certain way and bring into your own family.  And Jeremy's loves steak!! We've been to other steakhouses, including many of the Brazilian ones.  However, it's been about 3 years, maybe more that I've been curious about this particular one.  It's beautiful inside.  It has a dark ambiance.  It is also has an elegant vibe to it.  Perhaps the dark ambiance attributes to that.  I wore a skirt yesterday! I was in what I call Bohemian Beautiful.  I also wore wedges!!! Jeremy made the comment during dinner of how impressed he's been with me trying so many new things.  Now that I have this confidence, I guess I feel a sense of fearlessness? I couldn't tell you.  I just feel like a have a new lease on life.  And experiencing life at its possible fullest, in different ways, whether travelling, culinary experiences, or fashion...I take the plunge, so to speak.  In some ways, it's how I can see life itself can be art.  Art in motion.  I cherish all these memories.  I cherish making memories.  I cherish re dos.  And happy to inspire those to find their inner redo.  The best steak I had ever eaten was on a cruise.  Jeremy and I had dined at a private restaurant on the ship.  However, last night became the best steak I had ever had. But first, appetizers.  We shared with loved ones, a seafood sampler, which included crab, calamari, shrimp in a different sauce I've seen, and pepper something that I wouldn't touch. Tequila!! That was the Tequila shrimp!! There was sourdough bread.  And all but one had the Roasted peppers chicken soup.  All I can tell you is that wasn't soup.  That was some royal version of what soup wants to be in its lifetime and can only dream to be.   I don't do Tequila but on shrimp, I will?   The steak was drizzled in peppercorn.  I had Filet Mignon.  Once I allowed myself the idea I actually like steak and chicken, I realized I like Filet Mignon.  Bacon wrapped Filet Mignon is divine! I also tried creamed spinach with bacon on top.  That was a new but wonderful experience.  How had I never thought about bacon on top of spinach before?!!! I also had a side of asparagus.  After all that food, we had dessert.  There had been arrangements for a little cake to be made for Jeremy and we would provide the candles.  The smile on Jeremy's face...It's priceless.  He tries to play down the amount of hoopla I make from his birthday as he does when I give him compliments too.  It kind of helped to understand why sometimes giving compliments has been difficult for him to make as well.  He's been so much better about it.  And because I am in a better space inside my head, I don't need them nearly as much, or the affirmations to recognize what I already know.  Besides, if I do get a momentary laps of insecurity, and they do happen....I simply look at my phone and the 10 things he likes about me.  It's my screensaver now.  Tonight, I am making Lasagna for the first time.  I am excited and a little nervous.  But more excited.  Thursday, I am taking him out to lunch.  Friday, I am making Baked  Dijon Salmon.  I have had hang ups.  They are silly in some ways but then, they are not.  It's hard to explain.  And salmon has been one of them.  So, it's a gift in a way to make Salmon.  It means slowly the layers of insecurities and hangups are shedding.  It's the only way I can identify it.  And then....his birthday!!! Example: I just wrote in Jeremy's card in blue ink.  I have this hang up to write in black.  I smile when I realized as I was finished writing that it was blue.  It's silly....and yet, for me...it's not.  My whole life is filled with hang ups I am slowly learning to shed.  I feel like I'm in a movie, eyes closed (in something Belle is wearing from Beauty and the Beast) and rain comes down.  My hands are out, feeling the rain, and I simply walk in the rain.  A new me is emerging.  I'm still figuring out who or what she is, really.  But I love this experience.  I love learning about myself.  I guess my life has that Lifetime movie vibe of the scary kind in the past.  But these days, I think it's starting to have the Lifetime movie vibe of the inspirational kind for the future.  I hope you might be able to take something from my musings and thoughts.  I'm no expert.  But I am Jessica.  I am Jess.  I am Queen Sparkles.  I am this gutsy, fearless, vulnerable, sensual, funny, compassionate, klutzy, silly, adorkable, and warm person. I have this beautiful sparkle and shine to me that I won't let anyone dim now.   All this time, I've been having friends telling me things.  All this time, I had ear plugs on, because I had a voice inside me telling me I was worthless.  His voice.  He was so wrong about me.  But he was a weak man for wanting to crush a beautiful soul.  And he almost did.  Okay.  I'm crying.  It's an emotional thing.  And I'm a sensitive soul. lol
Here's a virtual blowing a kiss from me to you. I hope my vibes find a way to you.    The Beach from  Nick Cave and Warren Ellis is on.