Give myself a break

I've been working all week.  And by Friday, I could feel it.  An interesting thing happened when I got off work.  I needed to turn in my paperwork for payroll.  I always feel better about turning it paperwork over to the one who handles it in person.  That's just me.  I hadn't seen my non boss/boss.   The interesting thing about my job is that I'm my own boss.  Granted, there are rules and regulations but they're common sense ones.  I set my own hours.  I don't feel pressured to take a job on.  If I say yes to a fill in, it's because I chose it.  I was looking forward to this Friday also to have dinner with one of my best friends and hang out.  She asked if I could work today.  And without hesitation, I said no.  I was doing something.  Sleeping in.  And she laughed and said, "Good for you!".  I explained I had been working all week and was at my limit.  And she understood.  And mentioned boundaries for myself.  No feeling of guilt.  No feeling of I had let someone down because I said no.  I give myself a break....for giving myself a break.  My battery runs on 80% out the gate.  Your 100 is my 80.  Not by choice.  Just the way the manufacturing was on this body. lol I came defective. But I make it work.  I am a lucky person.  And I don't take that lightly.  Many Epileptics can't drive.  I do.  I also have such an amazing relationship with my neurologist, we work to continue my success for a healthier life.  I am conscious of my nutritional intake.  Not to say I don't partake in some indulgence.  I just balance it out.  I am a lot more active.  My sleep cycle is better.  I'm less stressed out.  And when I am stressed, I find ways to resolve the problem so I alleviate my stress.  I also have a job.  And not only that, my company knows about my condition.  And still was willing to give me a chance.  That is a gift I can never repay.  Do I have to slow down sometimes because my body can't keep up.  Yes.  I take lots of naps.  But just like I don't take birth control for birth control.  I take it for medicine, I see naps as medicine.  I am purposeful on choices I make in order keep balance with my illnesses.  I have been that person who has had 5 or 6 seizures a day.  I did lose muscle in my legs that at one point, I was using a walker.  I have had to crawl down my stairs.  But my goal was to be here. Here where I could lead as healthy as a life that someone with Epilepsy can.  It's been a part of me so long, I learned early on how to swim upstream and jump to go to the top.  And even the silent thing like PTSD.  I have learned to live with these things in a healthy manner.  It's been a journey.  A rough one.  Where I failed many times to have good health.  But today I can happily say I am a healthy woman who has Epilepsy. I have it.   It doesn't define me.