The strangest places

I have received support in the strangest of places.  Of course, my closest friends have been there. And Jeremy. But I received support in 3 places.  A former friend that I struggled with.  Thank you, "A".   Whatever we are doing....I have a new appreciation for things.  And I appreciate what you did when I brought you that drink.  The whole experience was unforgettable.  And your compassion was appreciated.  "JS"...you play a big part of my past.  We have been ex best friends.  We have stayed friendly.  We've never gone back to being what we were.  But through Facebook we still are part of each other's lives. And this week you helped me heal on losing a best friend..because one time I lost your friendship because of Javier.  I don't regret my journey.  RN.  You have been a good friend in my life.  You have also been a boyfriend.  And for many years hurt and other things didn't allow us to be able to be friends.  I am really happy we have rekindled our friendship.  I probably will never see you in my lifetime seeing how you are in another country! But I appreciate your words of encouragement. It helped me work through things.  Thank you for being such a good friend.  To give you an idea, RN probably saved my life.  Falling in love with him made me finally leave Javier.  I probably would've committed suicide.  I just recently told him about being raped.  He suspected but he never came out and directly asked.  Support came from strangest places.  I did doubt things about myself.  I did second guess myself.  A rape survivor does that.  Negative thoughts amplify and whether they are true or not they stick in the survivor's head.  But Jeremy, my friends, and the strangest of places friends pulled me out of my insanity, my own head.  I am a sensitive soul.  I do take on more. But not that I have clear head.  Now that I have calmed down from the storm of emotions...I realize that people who haven't learned how to control the rage inside because of their past are not going to be able to move forward.  I learned that I do have integrity.  I am me.  Good, bad, or Jess.  I am me.  What you see is what you get.  Perhaps, that is too much for some people.  I learned that Jeremy and I really do talk about everything and anything.  I love our candor.  It may not always be pretty.  But it's consistent.  I learned I don't like intense.  I'd been suggested to be a certain way, talk to Jeremy a certain way, get into therapy...you know...we are who we are.  Stop making us, you. It's not working anyways.  Both parties were guilty of that.  And I felt a sense of hypocrisy because they had problems.    I learned that when push comes to shove I believe in loyalty...even if it means I sacrifice something or someone that is dear to me.  I believe in truth.  Be truthful with yourself, your partner, and the world.  I'd rather get hurt by Jeremy by his truth than him not tell me.  And maybe that is what I came to appreciate from "A" and her truth.  I will give credit where credit is due.  And I will hold myself accountable for not finding a way to convey the struggle I had or have with people.  Not to say that people are complete angels.  But that I see my part in it.  And I will work from there.