We're really here

We're really here.  31st of December.  Thanks for sticking it out.  I dubbed a saying.  Those who are still there, still care.  Which is not entirely accurate.  Sometimes caring also means not being there.  It's an odd sort of logic but I get it.  It makes sense to me.  But on some senses, it does ring true.  People who have stuck it out with you this year...whether family, friends, or a significant other...Bravo.  There are stories to those who haven't.  There was a death earlier this year that certainly left a linger.  My grandpa in law passed away.  I've been in this family (Kearney) for 10 years now.  I didn't quite have the Grandpa experience.  Ironically enough, today is also the death anniversary of my abuelito.  While I mourn his death, I can't quite say I had the grandpa experience there either.  So I took Grandpa Jim's passing hard, just as much as Jeremy.  Then there was new beginnings. One of my closest friends got married.  My involvement in her wedding was like a testament to "Thanks for us sticking it out, together!" Jeremy and I went on a cruise.  And it was important.  Because it got me over my hang up of Mexico.  I had a silly hang up about Mexico because I can't speak Spanish.  So what better way to throw myself into my hang up.  It was a beautiful experience.  Jeremy and I celebrated 20 years as friends and 10 years as a couple this year.  I met CC.  Javier's ex wife, whom is now a wonderful friend.  I rekindled a couple of friendships that were game changers in my past.  I also lost a couple of friends that were game changers.  In the grand scheme of things though...I realized that the latter, while important in my journey did not compare to the first two.  So while I mourned the loss....I didn't mourn it as much because the first two were monumental friendships.  Jeremy and I seemed on a new level this year with our marriage.  A good way!! :) And our friendship, oddly enough.  That new change is what makes losses this year more meaningful.  This new level with Jeremy brought me to a new appreciation.  Perhaps the biggest change was within myself. I stuck it out...with myself.  I finally gave myself the chance to really heal.  To really emerge with confidence.  To really see the butterfly, the unicorn, the queen behind all this pain.  We're really here.  I can't wait to see what this next year brings.  Whether God or the Universe (depending on my mood, I suppose) I thank one of them for another year on this planet.  And I hope I have another year for adventures and experiences.  It almost sounds morbid.  However, once you reach a certain age...mortality does seem to cross your mind.  You wonder about your choices. You wonder about regrets.  I don't have regrets.  I wouldn't be here, with Jeremy if I tried to change anything.  And Jeremy. He takes on my craziness with such ease.  I'm sure it's not easy handling my squirrel trails.  But he loves me.  And so that love means following me on my journey.  Hand in hand...metaphorically...and physically.  Likewise....Sticking it out with Jeremy.  The unconditional love that we have is a nice wonderful protective safe feeling.  Think about those who have stuck it out with you this year.  Smile.  If they're still there... they care!!! lol  Happy New Year. Gott Nytt Ar (Swedish), and Feliz Ano(insert little accent) Neuvo  We're really here.