Monday, April 18, 2016

Experience...life


I looked at the pictures I picked out to sort of give an idea what was in my head.  It was a beautiful weekend.  Jeremy is on call so he had to work late.  That was a perfect time to go out with CC.  She asked me if we had something going.  I told her...we do now! The kids wanted to see me as well.  Although, one got sick so I ended up only hanging out with one.  But it was still nice.  Each time her and I talk, we heal from things.  We learn from things.  I suppose if you were looking in on our conversation it would seem we are just hashing the past.  But for us, we are looking at patterns.  We are looking at psychology.  And some aspects of our stories might not be answered because there is no logic to people's behavior....we still like to understand.  Or try to.  And we heal together.  It's almost like two war veterans.  We might have fought a different war.  But still, we understand the struggle from that war.  We went to Sonic so I got a chance to get Jeremy something.  I can't help it.  I like thinking of him.  I like it when we think of each other.  It's...thoughtful.  And I never want to stop that.  Saturday was spent with "D".  I must been off in thoughts because she wanted to make sure I was okay. Most specifically with her.  I had to ask Jeremy if I seemed off in my thoughts are looked like something was the matter.  He said yes.  I assured her I wasn't.  But I can understand how someone might see my face and wonder.  I do go off in my thoughts but they aren't bad ones.  They're actually good ones.  They're just....far away thoughts.  They don't last but a few seconds.  Daydreaming.  I've been doing this as a child.  It's probably why people hadn't noticed the seizures. I also got into a silly mood and put on what I call my "Little Hufflepuff outfit".  I already have a yellow blouse.  I wore it with one of my black jackets. And a blacks skirt.  And finished it off with my new Hufflepuff stockings.  I also joined the Hufflepuff common room.  Look at me. All Fangirling.  I have to experience it myself.  I experience life with my fandoms.  It's hard to explain.  My inner nerd experiences the fandoms.  Star Trek. Star Wars.  Superman.  Dr. Who, and now, Harry Potter.  All these, well...they affect me, in some personal way.   I had wanted to reorganize at some point.  So I was happy I had a few hours before babysitting a friend's kid.  And it brought me peace of mind.  I changed things around.  I didn't want the four plaques to go up.  But I really didn't want to go buy something either.  If it came to that, I would.  However, I just rearranged what I had.  A make due with what I had sort of vibe.  Jeremy helped with scaling down what came back into the Living Room.  Our K broke so...right now, at least, is a frame with the Art of Marriage.  I am still searching for a plaque that one of my friends gave me about shoes.  Stuff has been put all over the place, I really didn't know where things were.  Our dining room light she be put back so we'll have light in there.  But there are two lamps in the Living Room that brighten the room beautifully.  Jeremy got called into work. Yah, on call.  So I ended up babysitting by myself.  Which is fine.  It's just that they love time with Aunt Jess AND Uncle Jeremy. So...we're getting some semblance of normalcy back.  It feels good.  I get lost in my thoughts.  I usually am having a squirrel moment and thinking of something that, at least in my head, associates or somehow made me squirrel.  With all this wonderful.  I did get a call that was a little heartbreaking.  Or maybe now.  Depends on how you look at it.  A friend of mine called and told me they were getting divorce.  Now...if you knew JS, you would know they don't take the idea of divorce lightly.  But after telling me the reasons why and approaching their spouse...it somehow made sense.  It still made my heart break.  My heart breaks for anyone splitting up.  But I understand the reasoning.  JS and I have been friends for 20 years.  However,we had a falling out.  Thanks to Javier, actually.  But about 11 years ago, when Jeremy and I first started dating, the first person we told was JS.   Because they were friends with us, back in the day.  We were all friends.  We hung out socially.    Losing my friendship with JS was devastating.  We have always been super close.  So being friends again...well...that made me super happy.  Thanks to Jeremy, I mended our friendship and while we were never going to be that close...we still connected.  So as I turned the key, and opened the door...I looked around and smiled.  We're getting our house back.  Our life back.  Our routines back.  Our little nuances.  We experience...life.  It's part of the human process. Whether bad or good....you experience life.  And it's up to you every day, to chose how you react to life.  I falter sometimes.  But I step back, take a deep breath, and begin again.  So tomorrow should be the last day of repairs.  I'm still weary whether it will be done or not.  But I am hopeful.  And then, I can start reorganizing.  And speaking of organizing.  I had quite an amazing conversation Friday with a friend about organizing.  I was explaining the many journals I have.  I love writing.  But I also need organization with my writing.  As RH put it, you  categorize your thoughts! I like that thought!
 1) My story 2)My poetry book 3) Love Letters to myself/Affirmations 4) Unbucket/Glitterbag/box/chest/experiences 5) Jack of all Journals Back up poetry book, short stories, quotes book, and outlines
 Cooking/recipe inspiration Journal
My Bff SADF got me this


 Pacman!
 One of my lost thoughts.  I agree.  But it's really nice when you hear it.  It helps a self doubter have peace of mind.




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