Of course I did

Of course I thought about yesterday. Of course I did.  I thought of the good, the bad, and the really ugly.  I thought of beyond the truths.  I thought of perspective.  I thought of definitions and meanings.  I thought of being afraid of my own thoughts. Not because I don't stand by my thoughts.  But that anyone would wish harm on me.  I thought of what a person is willing to do for another person...the good, the bad, and the really ugly scary.  I thought of ...hey buddy. If you don't like my half truths and lies and skewed perceptions, don't read my fucking blog.  I have so much to say but I stop myself.  Sometimes I wish I was a little more bitchy.  But then, I don't.      Eh.  I thought of the love I have surrounding me for being me.  I thought of the good I do in the world.  I haven't changed from months ago.  I'm still me.  I thought of the evolution of Jeremy and I.  I thought of how lucky we are to have each other.  I thought of our amazing conversations.  I thought of the years of struggle between us.  I thought of it all, quite honestly.  It was emotionally exhausting.  Conversations today did send me into a tizzy of new questions and dynamics.  That's okay.  It's okay to be horribly confused by why people are fake or not authentic.  It's okay to be confused on what is real or not.  It's okay to not be okay with the information in front of me.  Why? Because no matter what...I am me.  And that's good enough. It's okay to block out the bullshit that spews in people to satisfy their own little spins to sleep better at night while I walk the 5K Run for Hope for the Rape Crisis Center.