Pace

It was something I was thinking about yesterday and today.  This idea of pace.  It took me 20 years to finally have a voice.  Why? And it occurred to me I had to have the right people at the right time to help me heal with the right moments and thoughts and teachings.  Haven't I always mentioned that a negative can turn to a positive.  So no matter what, the big picture was to finish the 5K feeling like I did.  There is something about pace in general.  People have different paces.  It doesn't matter that.  I may have been slower to get to this point.  There may be others that haven't been able to scratch the surface about how to heal.  So why compare? I mean, for anyone to compare their pace.  They are getting up and doing something about the pain.  They are trying to figure out how to deal with their pain.  And if we are talking about pain...it could be all kinds of pain that we feel.  I can't begin to figure what others are in their pain because I'm not in their shoes.  So...suddenly 20 years doesn't seem like anything anymore.  It just seems like it was part of the story of my healing.  Some parts make me sad on my journey to healing.  If I don't watch myself, I could start crying.  I could feel heartbroken.  But then I stop myself. I sigh.  And I remember the big picture.  The part where I was running on that finish line.  I swear somewhere I was hearing Chariots of Fire going off.  In my head, that was the soundtrack going off. lol Can you imagine it?! Pace.  What an interesting concept.  I started writing a story.  That's a big deal to me.  I've been saying for years I wanted to write a story but I never committed anything to pen and paper.  The characters are interesting version of Jeremy and I.  I can't say all of the character is us.  But I can see us in it.  Jeremy hasn't read it yet.  I'm saving it for him to read it on our anniversary.  Which is on the 16th this month.  I love the idea of gifting him without necessarily buying something.  Those are the best gifts to me.  Speaking of gifts.  I bought a journal that's like a gift to myself.  It's a beautiful green Celtic book. The design makes me smile and melts my heart actually.  Like an inside story or something.  Like holding some special meaning.    I'm calling it Love Letters to myself.  I don't necessarily write in it every day but with giving affirmations to my friends in the morning, I thought...Why not give myself affirmations?  I am reading the Harry Potter series.  Not because I want to for a friend.  I wanted to see a lesson in Harry Potter.  I asked Jeremy if he saw which House I might be in.  I figured Gryffindor because that was what Harry Potter was in.  And I asked Jeremy what House that represents.  He said courage.  I thought about it and said I could fit in that house.  Bu then he looked at me and told me but I can also see you in Hufflepuff.  And again I asked what house that reprsents and he said Loyalty.  Jeremy explained there is so much more to it but that I also could easily fit that house too.  He identified with Ravenclaw.  So do "D".  "CL" as I like to call her, I think identifies more with Gryffindor.  But I digress.  I am reading the series.  But there is an added bonus.  I am being read to.  As strange as it sounds, I found out I like being read to.  If I had a glitter bag of things that made me happy....this would be one of them.  And so "D" reads to me.  And last night I requested Jeremy read to me.  He plans to do that tonight.  I thought of a strange thing right now.  What if you could gift a person with reading a story but in your own voice.  It's an audio book, but personal.  Somebody should go get rich with that idea.  So.....Pace.   Go at your own pace.  You only know the journey you are dealing with and where you are on your journey.  I am slowly learning this about life. Even now from 2002 is on on New Age Ambient Radio.  I swear...it almost sounds a little like If God were one of us.